It’s been about two months now. How my life has changed in that time. I’ve relocated, re-everything’d (yes, i know that is not a word, but it fits). Time can be an enemy and a friend. Some days fly by and others just don’t want to leave. Today, Valentine’s Day, was one of the ones that decided he wanted to stick around for a while.
I’ve learned a lot about myself. And a lot about others. It’s amazing how much some people care, and how some just don’t care at all. It’s amazing how you can know someone and hang out almost everyday for an entire semester and not know a thing about what is going in their life. Even more amazing is how God used that person that i hung out with everyday and knew next to nothing about to change my life.
Last semester was one of the hardest times of my life. I went through the motions every single day thinking that I may have been the only one hurting and struggling. I wanted things to get better but I just didn’t know how to do it or how they could improve. It seemed like a dead end. I tried all by myself, not going ANYWHERE for help. Of course, I failed. Things got worse and worse each and everyday. Here is a cliche, but every time I took a step forward, I took two back. And then it happened. To me, it was a shock. Completely unexpected. But the rest of the world looked on as if my life were a movie, knowing throughout that it would happen. It felt as though the world, my world, had come to an end.
Two months later here I am. I thought that running away would solve everything. I thought I could leave all of the hurt and problems in Tennessee. I thought that I could start all over and be a brand new person in a brand new place meeting new people. I could be whoever I wanted to be in front of these people. Didn’t turn out that way. “I know your still hurt. It’s not something you had to say for me to know”. That shows how much I fooled ‘em.
That person I knew next to nothing about, is now one of my best friends. While I went through that semester thinking I was the only one having a hard time, someone was right next to me EVERY NIGHT going through the EXACT same thing. I prayed for God to put someone in my life to help me through this all. His answer was instant. When I prayed that prayer I had no idea the answer would come from someone at Southern while I was here at Andrews. I had no idea that the person God would use would be someone so close to the situation. But, this friend pointed me to God, helps me through my hard days and nights, helps me to laugh when I feel like crying, and even lets me know when I’m being flat out stubborn and stupid.
I had no idea God would answer my prayer so quickly. It was like, the moment I said “amen”… the chat window on facebook popped open saying “what’s good”, and the rest was history. It just makes me wonder. If that prayer was answered so quickly, what would have happened had I prayed before, instead of trying to be self-sufficient? What would have happened if I would have stopped being stubborn and stopped trying to solve my own problems? What would have happened if I would have turned to God sooner.
With those questions in mind. I realize that I cannot change anything I’ve done. But I, for whatever reason, trusted that something would happen when I prayed that prayer to God that day asking Him to provide a friend to help me.
So, as I sit here and feel helpless and hurt. As I re-live in my head and in my heart everything from the past 3 years of my life on this Valentine’s Day that seems to want to last for forever and ever, what would happen if I decided to go ahead and trust again? What would happen if I asked for healing or a solution? What would happen if I asked for strength? What would happen if I prayed?
Dear Lord…
